Sympathy
by Xeron.Got.it.memorized
Summary: “I’d ask for sympathy like that, but, as you know… Sympathy makes us sinners.” Roxas is a senior who’s crazy about his brother’s boyfriend. Along comes Axel, another senior who should have graduated two years ago.


**Title:** Sympathy

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild cursing, boys kissing, and Axel being creepily religious.

**Pairing:** Axel/Roxas, one-sided Riku/Roxas, Sora/Riku, mentions of Cloud/Leon

**Summary:** _"I'd ask for sympathy like that, but, as you know… Sympathy makes us sinners."_ Roxas is a senior who's crazy about his brother's boyfriend. Along comes Axel, another senior who should have graduated two years ago.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy, but I have the Squeenix and Disney executives at gunpoint and they're signing the documents now. I also don't own Brendon the Smoothie Hut employee or his friend, Notebook Boy.

**Beta:** beachan18 over at LiveJournal

**Author Notes:** Birthday fic for she-who-beta'd. First Kingdom Hearts fanfic, so I hope they're not too OOC. First in the "Sympathy" 'verse.

* * *

Sometimes, things break. Most of the time, it's something significant, but what about when it's not?

What if it's just something tiny and fragile and unnecessary in the grand scheme of things? Would anybody miss it?

What if a person broke? Would anybody miss him? Would anybody miss the wide, blue eyes that saw everything, including that which inevitably broke him? What about the spiky blond hair that everybody that met him just _had_ to ruffle, much to his chagrin? Would anybody miss those?

There was one who would. The broken boy used to know him. The boy in question was also the one who broke him. Roxas breaking is what made him get the tattoos. They're simple ones, really. Just a black teardrop on each cheek. But they meant far more than they appeared.

* * *

Roxas watched Riku with something akin to longing in his bright blue eyes.

Damn his brother for getting the guy _he_ wanted.

Damn Sora.

At least he could see Riku on a daily basis. Roxas smiled at the thought. A tap on his shoulder brought him out of his reverie and he turned to see an unfamiliar face.

"Hey, are you Roxy?" the new guy asked with a mischievous grin.

Roxas gave him a once-over and almost wrinkled his nose. "It's 'Roxas', not 'Roxy'. And who's asking?"

"Me? I'm Axel," he introduced himself with another grin. "A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

'Axel' seemed to fit this guy pretty well in Roxas' mind. Axel had bright red hair that went in every direction, a small, black teardrop drawn in eyeliner pencil on each cheek, reminiscent of the jesters' makeup at the Renaissance Faire, and bright green eyes that, surprisingly, didn't clash with his hair.

"So, what do you want?" Roxas asked, eyeing the stranger.

"Inappropriate answer? You," Axel said, grin still in place. "Appropriate answer? Help figuring my way around. The student help desk sent me over here. I'm technically a senior, though I was supposed to graduate about two years ago." Roxas raised an eyebrow at him. "I kind of… well... Setting fire to a bunch of cardboard boxes that are leaning up against an old wooden shed was not the brightest of ideas."

"So…" Roxas prodded him.

"So… I suppose my grandmother might not have been so bad had her stuffed chocobo collection not been destroyed in the fire. She yanked me and my brother, Reno out of school and taught us about nothing but religion for a year and a half." Axel continued, shuddering, the consequences of his actions obviously disturbing him. "Anyway, we're back now. And I need a guide."

"Maybe."

"Yay!"

"I said, maybe."

"I know. Hey, Roxy, tell me something."

"What?"

"Tell me why you spent ten minutes of your break staring at that one kid with the white hair." _Damn it, why did it have to be that?_

"Why should I?" Roxas asked. "I don't even know you," he exclaimed, even though he doubted the truth in that statement. Some part of him knew Axel, Roxas knew that, and the rest of him was trying to figure out where from.

"Don't give me that shit, Roxy. You do. Or did, anyway. You just don't remember." Roxas gave Axel a weird look that clearly said, "you're crazy". "I'm not nuts. You just need to jog your memory. And anyway, since you won't tell me that, tell me what year you're in."

"I'm a senior, too…" Roxas replied while showing Axel his student id card.

"You, kid? No way!" Axel rubbed the back of his head where Roxas reached up to smack him. "Ah, I'm kidding. So, what could convince you to show me the way around this glorious campus?"

Roxas snorted. "Nothing short of a miracle."

"Good thing I happen to know someone rather good at those, then, huh?"

* * *

Axel never believed in love. To him, it was nothing but a bunch of sappy bullshit that only existed in romance novels and fairy tales. Cliché, yes, but that was how Axel felt.

Reno called him crazy, but Reno also had a boyfriend. All Axel knew is that the guy was intimidating, named Rude, and ridiculously sweet when it came to Axel's big brother.

The point was, Axel didn't believe in love or romance or any of that shit. All that changed, though, when he met Roxas. Stupid clichés.

* * *

A week later and Axel somehow had wormed his way into Roxas' life, fitting in so smoothly that it was almost as if Axel had always been there.

Axel put up with Roxas' random bouts of bitchiness and Roxas put up with the fact that Axel was _always_ going to have a lighter or matches in his hand. No, really, _always_.

Roxas sighed, giving Axel his standard glare, prompting the red-head to laugh.

"Face it, Roxy. No matter how much you glare at me, I'm not gonna stop." And, on cue, Axel started playing with his lighter again. Roxas just sighed and went back to staring at Riku. "Speaking of things that need to stop, that's one of 'em." Roxas gave him another glare and scowled.

"Shut up, pyro."

"Nice comeback, Roxy. Absolutely devastating. I'm quaking in my boots."

"Shut up or I'll take your stupid chakram keychains and melt them into new keyblade keychains for me."

"You wound me, Roxy."

"You'll be wounded if you don't shut up."

* * *

Roxas had been as disillusioned and cynical about love and soul mates and all that crap as Axel was. Until he met Riku. Riku ended up being his brother's boyfriend, and Roxas' first major crush. Roxas would stare and hope and dream about Riku until the second semester of his senior year.

Axel kept him distracted, dragging him to meet his friends, Demyx, Marluxia, Larxene, and Zexion, taking him for ice-cream, having 8-hour-long Grand Theft Auto and Halo tournaments, and, when nothing else worked, Axel took Roxas and Demyx for weekend trips out to a spot in the desert Axel liked, about twenty miles from Agrabah, and they made homemade fireworks and camped.

Roxas often wondered if Axel's camping tricks were _supposed_ to give him a heart attack. It certainly seemed like it.

Another distraction Axel provided (albeit unknowingly) was the curious dreams involving moving shadows and hooded strangers with Axel's face and Axel's voice, but with an underlying cruelty that was never present in the voice of the Axel Roxas knew.

_

* * *

Hey! _

_**Axel! What the fuck are you doing? You do realize that we're going to get in trouble, right? **_

_So? _

_**SO?! If we get detention, I'm seriously going to kill you. **_

_Chill out, Rox. We ain't gonna get detention. _

_**Did you seriously just write "ain't" and "gonna"? **_

_Yeah, got a problem? _

_**You mean, aside from the fact that you sound (or read, I suppose) like an illiterate moron? **_

_Aw, such sweet talk, Roxy. I never knew you cared. _

Roxas just balled the note up and threw it at the back of Axel's head as hard as he could, stifling a laugh when it became lodged in the red spikes.

"Mister Strife," the teacher, Miss Lockhart, called, "Mister Leonhart, I'll see you both after school in detention." Roxas groaned. Damn. Now Cloud, Leon, and Sora were gonna give him hell when he finally got home.

Leon (born Squall Leonhart, but only Cloud was allowed to call him that; everyone else was threatened with castration) was technically Axel and Reno's older brother, but he spent so much time with Cloud, they practically lived together.

"Miss Lockhart, what did I do, yo?" another red-headed boy asked. The teacher sighed.

"Smart-mouthed, mister Leonhart. Now you'll join your brother and mister Strife in detention." Reno laughed. Axel groaned.

_Can I kill my brother? _

_**No, Axel. And besides, Reno's not all that bad. At least we know your stupidity isn't hereditary. **_

_HEY! He's my twin, so why didn't he get my troublesomeness? _

_**Is troublesomeness even a word? **_

_Shut up. _

…

_Roxas?_

_**You said "shut up".**_

This time, Axel was the one to chuck a paper ball at his head. Reno continued laughing. Roxas just scowled at them both.

* * *

When Roxas got home that afternoon from detention, he and Axel were immediately pounced by three older brothers.

"Where were you two?" Cloud asked, eyebrows raised.

"Were you on a date?" Sora questioned excitedly, making Roxas and Axel give him strange looks.

"I know where they were. You two, stop passing notes. I don't need to get calls from the school, _Axel_ about you, Reno, and Roxas getting detention again." Leon gave them both his best "intimidating father" look, which failed spectacularly as Cloud had chosen that moment to wind himself around Leon again and ruin the other boy's concentration.

* * *

And so, the days of second semester of Roxas and Axel's senior year passed.

As the days passed, Roxas found himself hanging out more and more with Axel, almost forgetting about Riku, until prom came up. Sora and Riku, as the school's golden couple, were all but required to attend. Roxas swore he felt his stomach turn while watching his brother try to find a tux that he liked and getting ready.

He mentioned this to Axel one day while they were at the local ice cream parlor, and was surprised when Axel asked him to go. Despite his crush on Riku, he honestly felt elated at the idea. Shrugging it off, though, Roxas just smiled and agreed.

* * *

"Hey, Axel? Where do we know each other from?" Roxas was curious.

"A past life, maybe? I don't know." Axel shrugged. "Same way I know Demyx, Zex, Marly, and Larxene."

Roxas raised an eyebrow.

"Fine! I'll admit it… I baby-sat you when you were younger."

"You're joking." Roxas' tone was pleading.

"Nope." Axel's grin was rather large.

"Wait… I remember you now! The thirteen-year-old with the bad acne who was a pushover when it came to me and Sora…"

"I was not a pushover." Axel scowled.

* * *

"ROXAS! Phone call!" Cloud shouted up the stairs. Roxas scrambled for the nearby phone on his desk and picked it up.

"Hello?" Roxas asked breathlessly, scowling at the clothing he tripped over.

"Roxy!"

"Oh, damn."

"HEY!"

"Just joking. You know I don't mean it."

"You better not." Axel's tone was teasing.

"Hey, Roxas."

"RENO?"

"AXEL! I NEED THAT EAR!" Roxas yelled, holding the earpiece away from his head as he did so. "Hiya, Reno."

"Heya, kid. How ya been?"

"I'm fine, just deaf in one ear now." Roxas grumbled.

"We can make you deaf in both ears, Roxas." A new voice piped up cheerfully.

"CLOUD?!"

"Yup. Hiya, Reno, Axel." Roxas' groan could be heard over Cloud's cheerful voice.

"Hiya, Cloud."

"LEON?!"

"ROX! Thanks! Now _I'm_ deaf in one ear!"

"Sorry, Axel… Cloud, Leon, you have cell phones. _Use them_." Roxas growled. At least Sora wasn't…

"HI, LEON!"

Damn it.

"SORA ZACKARY STRIFE! GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE!" To say Roxas was annoyed was an understatement. "Reno… Cloud… Leon…" He started. A series of clicks followed, signaling everyone else had hung up. "Sorry, Axel."

"No problem, kid. Anyway, I called cause as much as I hate shopping, I figured we needed to at least find something decent to wear to prom."

"Do we _have_ to?" Roxas groaned, slamming his forehead down onto his desk.

"Unless you wish to show up in a t-shirt and jeans with stains from I-don't-know-what, I suggest you get your shoes on and be outside in ten minutes. Or… I take back the Oblivion CD I bought you." Axel threatened.

"Fine! I'll get my damn shoes on. If you're not here in ten minutes, though, I'm not going at all."

* * *

Being dragged through the mall by a hyperactive pyromaniac who refused to put his damn lighter away, no matter _what_ Roxas threatened was not Roxas' idea of fun.

After finally escaping from the dreaded shops with their suits for prom, they stopped by the food court and had an argument over where to go for a drink.

"Smoothie Hut!" Roxas insisted.

"Dairy Queen!" Axel shot back.

"Smoothie Hut!"

"Dairy Queen!"

"SMOOTHIE HUT!"

"DAIRY QUEEN!"

"C'mon, Axel… Please?" Roxas pouted and Axel gave in. "Yay!" He raced over to the counter and greeted the boy behind the counter.

"Hi, I'm Brendon, what can I get for you today?" The geeky boy behind the counter grinned brightly in a way reminiscent of Sora. Or would be reminiscent of Sora if it wasn't for the bright red glasses hanging off his faces and the braces. Roxas ordered a strawberry banana smoothie and Axel got an orange strawberry mango banana smoothie with extra fruit. It looked more like stew than a smoothie, but Roxas just shrugged and went along with it.

After an argument about who paid (Axel won), they waved good-bye to the boy working the counter who immediately started jabbering the ear off of the skinny brunette next to him, who was scribbling something in a notebook while he listened.

"Axel, we're… best friends, right?" Roxas asked uncertainly while sipping on smoothie after they sat down.

"No, kid. I just wanted to be your friend so I could get into your pants." Came the sarcastic reply.

"Axel…" Roxas began warningly.

"All right, all right. Don't get your panties in a twist. We are friends, Rox. Never doubt that." Roxas nodded and tackled Axel, yanking him into an awkward hug over the table. "Never doubt that."

* * *

"Roxas! Your ride is here!" His mother called up the stairs to Roxas, who was trying to fix his tie.

"Damn it." Roxas muttered, trying to tie it without causing a huge knot. There was a knock on his door and he opened it to reveal Axel.

"Need some help?" Roxas nodded, grateful. "Come here." Next thing Roxas knew, his tie was tied.

"How do you _do_ that?" Roxas looked incredulous. "_How_? I spend hours trying to tie the damned thing and you can do it in seconds!" Axel shrugged.

"It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. But your problem seems to be actually getting the hang of it." Axel teased, sticking his tongue out. Roxas rolled his eyes and smacked Axel.

* * *

Walking into prom was kind of weird. The only noticeable difference between the gym during prom and the gym normally were the streamers everywhere and the huge speakers currently blasting bad pop music and causing it to echo throughout the hallways. Strolling through the hallways towards the gym from the front doors of the school, their ears were assaulted with the awful sound of Miley Cyrus' newest bad pop song.

After releasing a simultaneous groans at the taste in music, Axel handed over the tickets and dragged Roxas through the crowd towards the drink table.

"If I'm going to do this, I'm not doing it sober." He declared, and took a large gulp of the (already) spiked punch. Roxas immediately yanked the cup out of his hands.

"Yes, you are. You're my ride home." Roxas' glare promised pain and death and torture and Hannah Montana marathons if he drank the spiked punch, so Axel nodded and smiled weakly and dug in his inner jacket pocket for the flask filled with water that Roxas made him bring. "I, on the other hand, am _not_ the designated driver, so I can drink as much as I damn well want to." And with that, Roxas downed the entire thing.

"HEY! That is so not fair!" Roxas flicked Axel's nose and snickered at the hurt look on the older boy's face.

"It's fair enough."

"No way. Now come on, I'm having fun while I'm here. If that means that we have to all but have sex with our clothes on and call it 'dancing', then that's what I'm doing." Axel snatched the cup back and poured himself more punch.

* * *

"Axel…" Roxas whispered, surprise (and maybe the barest hint of fear) in his wide, blue eyes as Axel kept him pinned against the wall. Axel hummed along with the music coming from the gymnasium for a moment before speaking.

"Why don't you show me that little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress, love?" Axel sang along, meaning the words more than the singer ever could, in his own opinion.

"Axel…" Roxas whispered again.

"_I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into with me…"_ The song continued playing, the sound pouring out from the gym, almost drowning out Axel's next words.

"I'd ask for sympathy like that, but, as you know… Sympathy makes us sinners." Axel whispered into Roxas' ear, grinning when he felt the blonde shiver. "And why does sympathy make us sinners, dear Roxas?"

"Axel…" Roxas whispered for the third time. "Don't do this."

"Do what?" came the flippant reply. Even though it's an almost careless response, it sent a strange amount of dread and fear into Roxas. "Now… Why does sympathy make us sinners?" Axel asked, warm breath ghosting over Roxas' ear.

"S-sympathy m-makes us s-sinners b-because…" Roxas trailed off when he felt Axel's teeth graze his neck and the tie around his neck loosen. "B-because it makes us want to do things, anything to help the person we feel sympathy for-ah!" The word ended on a gasp when Axel shoved the collar of his shirt aside and his teeth sank into the juncture where his neck met his shoulder.

"So tell me why, Roxas," Axel said in a low voice, pausing to run his tongue over the spot, soothing the bite mark. "Tell me why I'm not asking you for sympathy." It's not a request and Roxas knows it.

Taking deep, shuddering breaths, he slowly replied, "You're not asking me for sympathy because you know you don't need or want it. You're not asking me for sympathy because you feel that I'm the one that needs it." Roxas shuddered again when Axel sucked lightly on the spot where he had bitten down.

"Very good, Roxas," and then there's another sharp pain when he was bitten before Axel spoke again, "very good. Now why do I feel such sympathy for you?"

"Axel…" Roxas whimpered. It wasn't that he was scared of Axel. He could never be. But he didn't want to answer. Didn't want to hear the pity in Axel's voice. Didn't want to admit how foolish he was, hoping Riku would just drop Sora for Roxas, hoping Sora would dump him, so Roxas could have him.

"Don't want to answer? Fine with me." Roxas felt the long, thin fingers against the front of his shirt, undoing the top few buttons and dropped his head onto Axel's shoulder.

"Don't say it, please. I just want to forget him, okay?" Roxas pleaded quietly, fisting his hands against Axel's jacket.

"Roxas?" Axel murmured in his ear. "You never told me… Why does he mean so much to you?"

"It's stupid." Roxas mumbled back, burying his face in Axel's shoulder.

"Rox? Tell me anyway."

"It was some party Riku's brothers had thrown last year. You know the group, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz?" Axel nodded and Roxas continued. "There was alcohol. Lots of it. I got drunk and woke up the next morning naked. You can guess who was next to me." Axel nodded. "I guess… I guess he thought I was Sora or something, cause he said how much he cared and shit. He was still half-asleep and hungover. And for some stupid, asinine reason, I thought he meant me."

Roxas was shaking by the time he was done. Axel pulled him into a hug which Roxas returned gratefully. "Can you please help me forget him?"

"Rox, you know what I think—"

"I know!" Roxas shouted at him. "I know you think sympathy makes us sinners. But, damn it, we're all going to end up in hell for one reason or another, so what's the point in avoiding it?"

"Okay," Axel said with a sigh. "Let's get out of here, first, though. Schools still give me the creeps."

Roxas smiled and followed Axel.

* * *

There was a period of time between prom and graduation that was stuffed full of exams and papers and projects, and despite all of that, Roxas and Axel still found time to spend together. Roxas got over Riku. Axel just smiled when Roxas realized it and asked him out for dinner.

Roxas had asked what they were one day after that and Axel said that they could be whatever as long as they didn't label themselves boyfriends. His exact words were, "junior high, much?" Roxas joked it was just because he didn't want to be like Riku and Sora.

* * *

Roxas rounded the corner of the hallway, heading towards his locker to meet up with Axel. Axel had mentioned something about an Oathkeeper concert (Roxas' favorite band), and Roxas was excited. Looking up from the paper in his hands, Roxas stopped dead in the middle of the hallway.

Riku had somehow managed to pin Axel to his locker, and was kissing him hard.

Roxas broke then. Tears streaming from his eyes, his knees buckled and he collapsed, falling to the floor and burying his face in his hands, trying to keep himself from seeing what was happening.

He cried for a lot of reasons. He cried for his brother; for the boy he _loved_; the boy he hated hurting his brother like that; he cried for himself, too. For fooling himself into thinking Axel cared. He was just another ass and Roxas hated himself for falling for the nice guy act.

"Riku, you bastard, get the fuck away from me!" Axel shoved him off and scrambled over to Roxas. "Rox? Roxy? Roxas?" He tried.

"Go. Go the _fuck_ away from me! I don't care if you have to move to mother-fucking Wonderland to do it. Just stay the fuck away."

"But, Roxas," Axel began, tears forming in his own eyes.

"No." He said coldly. "No." Gathering his bag from where it fell at his feet, Roxas stood, turned and walked away.

"ROXAS!" Axel screamed, making the blonde turn around.

"Hey, Axel… Let's meet again... In the next life." _Maybe things'll be better then._

"Sure, Rox." Axel tried to smile.

Turning away, Roxas muttered, "silly, just because _you_ have a next life."

* * *

Roxas went to graduation, if only so he could get a decent job. After the ceremony was over, he stopped for a moment to stare at the people in the auditorium.

Shaking his head, Roxas turned around and started to leave. A hand grabbed his arm when he was halfway out the door.

"Roxas?"

"Go away. I'm leaving."

"You can't leave. You can't turn your back on us, can you?" Axel asked, desperate for any reason to keep Roxas there, keep him from leaving. "Not just me. What about Demyx, and Sora?"

"Nobody would miss me." Roxas said flatly, walking away.

"That's not true. I would." Axel whispered to himself, watching Roxas' powder blue robe disappear into his car and watching the car drive away.

A few days later, a missing persons report was filed. The name on the report was Roxas Rokusasu Strife, born January 3, 1990.

A month later, Axel's eyeliner teardrops became ink ones.


End file.
